Before becoming a mom, I had a certain idea of how I would handle everyday life things, the 'toughest' part I could picture were sleepless nights, because that is what most of people (my own mom included) seem to slightly mention concerning parenthood. The time spent with my newborn would be rather joyful, afterall all you need to do is nurse, then they sleep like two or three hours straight, then you change a diaper, and go on with your life, how hard could it be? LOL.
You know how I got this naive idea? Observing. Looking around. Hearing. At the gym. At cafés. In airplanes and airports. Travelling. And everywhere else where normal human beings spend their daily lives. Who to blame? The easy babies. They do exist, and they are apparently everywhere. The easy babies and their moms. It is now easy for me to spot the easiest baby on the block. It is usually that one that even after half hour baby swimming, calmly lies down inside its lift, while the mother combs her wet hair. This is provocation. Who the heck has time to hair styling after a baby swimming lesson?? I'm lucky if I can have a quick soap free shower just to rinse off the stinky water away from my skin. Shortly followed by my screaming baby who protests no matter how short it is the time she has to be 'on her own' while I dress myself, gather our things and hold five things in my hands (baby included) while exiting the dressroom. In the meantime my hair looks like a 80s' pop singer's hairdo (a nigtmare called 'let the unwashed wet hair dry on its own'). Haha.
Easy babies and my false expectations during my pre-baby life. They are the ones sleeping in the cafés, usually inside a lift or even outside in their prams (in Denmark it is common sense to leave one's baby outside a café while the mother enjoys a meal - possibly wine or a cocktail included, since this is ok here as well). Sleeping while the mother can leisurely hold a normal conversation with a friend, how convenient. Haha.
Easy babies and my false expectations concerning coming back to shape. I thought I would be back to the gym just as soon as my doctor gave me her 'ok, go for it'. After all how many times have I seen those little babies in their strollers, awake and serene while the mother lifts weight and during breaks even talk to her gym pal. How hard can this be? Hahaha.
Travelling. Always a child screaming, but these are usually toddlers. Babies are always soooo quiet. Even while waiting for embarking, even if it takes forever. And so many blog posts I once read mentioning how it is just fine and actually the most perfect time in one's child life to travel while they are just babies. Hahahahaha.
Conclusion. Easy babies are everywhere. These were the ones whom I thought were the average babies, the ones I looked at and thought 'aww how cute, I want one too'. The difficult ones, the high need ones, the colicky ones, these are inside their home with a mother terrified to step out of the door, while struggling with ppd and God knows what else. They are the ones who behave the opposite in the previously described situations. The very opposite. These are like my baby.
4 comments:
I've followed your blog for a long time, and I have to say, I admire you so much! I am the lead teacher in an infant room at a daycare. We have 8 kids between two teachers. I have a 6-month-old in my class who falls apart if she's not being held- and it has to be *me* holding her; no other teacher will do. As you can imagine, with 7 other babies to care for, there are times where our class is incredibly unhappy sounding when I am with other children! I admire you for being able to get through it 24/7. Honestly, I thought I'd have kids by now, but having been in this line of work, I've indefinitely put off kids. "It's the luck of the draw," as my Southern granddaddy would say.
I have noticed my fussier children tend to mellow around 10 months or so when they can crawl and stand on they're own (but I make no promises).
You are amazing and your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother.
<3
The toughest part is that those babies are themselves. I have a 'power' son and it has taken me years to work out he is exactly who he is. I don't mean I let him get away with everything ( he is 11 / not a baby anymore) but he is who he is. Though strangely he was reasonably content as a baby but I did a very soft version of 'gina ford'. which suited him . It also helps you not to judge others - when your baby / child makes a fuss in the queue etc there will be kind people who know what it is like and others who don't.
Having a child is departing from a safe shore into a strange ocean and even the well behaved babies/toned mothers are on that boat.
good wishes
Cate: thank you so much for your kind feedback and sincerity. My baby will start at daycare for good when she is around one year old, but if we get a place earlier she may even start around 9 months old, and I already suffer with anticipation, because I fear the caretakers won't be as patient and loving as my husband and I. She can scream/cry heartbreakingly sometimes and only when we hold her (sometimes only when I hold her) it will do.. :/ I've recently found a daycare that follows the Montessori line of thinking and they all seemed so warm and willing to have our baby there, I hope we can get a spot (we are on a waiting list in another place as well). I hope she grows out of it when she gets older, maybe it is just a phase, maybe not. I try to fill her needs as much as I can now, and hopefully it will only make her a happy and more independent toddler and child.
Amen: thank you. you're right on the judging part, it is the worst we can do to one another, but unfortunately mothers do judge! In my pre-baby life I always had a lot of sympathy and was always the helpful one, the listening kind one as well. But I've experienced dirty looks and helpful people in different situations, and I've already lost count of how many times I've received judgmental feedback from both friends and family (most of them living far far away and not quite getting the situation..). I'm not familiar with the gina ford method, but I've given up on 'training' my baby at this point, she resists any form of routine/sleep training very hardly.
Post a Comment