vent.

Social conventions always bothered me, and there is no worse place for that than family parties. Those parties you see relatives you only see twice a year or less, and everyone behaves so superficially, not because it is their fault, but it is just how they learnt to behave from an early age. They ask how you were, and how your trip was, and they don't really mean to know the answer, they expect instead those very same superficial answers disguised in positive adjectives. So you put on your social mask and go on, and they smile and nod and we mutually pretend life is perfect. Funny see people's reactions when you tell the truth. "No, the train ride sucked, she refused to nap and screamed most of the time and threw various temper tantrums in a row.". "How's my thesis going? It sucks, I haven't reached half of the pages I'm supposed to write and there is less than two months for the deadline". "I haven't slept in over a year". "Worst trip ever."

Regarding tantrums and terrible 2's, why is it called terrible twos when it starts much earlier? hahahaha... I'm not even complaining so much, it gets much worse, I sense it. Sleep is not even much og a big deal these days, I think I've gotten used to 6 hours of sleep each night, and my body is now used to waking up several times in the middle of the night. It is bad when she screams for one hour in a row like last night, between 00:30-01:30), or wakes up and wants to play, even after nursing. We went through a tough developmental leap that lasted for months where this happened daily, but it seems things are better. I partially own that to sticking to a montessori floor bed (the crib is long gone in this household), and (utterly expensive) reflexology sessions. Regarding her screams and crying, let me put it like this; it sounds as if she was locked in her bedroom with an anaconda that hasn't had a meal in weeks. We know that is how it is, but to people from the outside (aka every-fucking-one) she is either in severe pain or very ill. LOL.

And then suddenly it stops, like everything it doesn't last forever - luckily. Like a volcano eruption or a tsunami. Anyway, the point of this whole post is how much I despise family parties, it seriously makes me wish for a zombie apocalypse, like The Walking Dead (the comics, not the series). Suddenly life would have a lot more meaning. Seeing the weak being swallowed by the plague, the Carols of the world giving up. But zombie apocalypse with a baby, I'd sure need my ergo and the chicco liteway, or a jogger stroller. Too bad I'm in such a bad shape. Sofia wouldn't even be afraid of those stinky ugly faces, she would probably grab their rotten hairs and stick a finger in what's left of their noses. Yes, I've gotten one of those rare babies who hardly cry for ordinary 'baby reasons'. Who falls down and stands up right away, even if hitting the head on the floor. Who terrifies the others babies at daycare (God, why?). Who slips my hand and goes her own way every single time. Who basically is not afraid at all. Who has had her shares of bruises I'm not even sure where it comes from. Here at home we coined our own designation for her: the kamikaze-baby.

From the series introverts should not have children unless they can afford a daytime nanny.

So I read  this on the fussy and colic babies support page on facebook (I am not alone) and can already picture my life a few years from now. Is this perhaps why I am always so drained for energy? As an introvert I always valued time alone, even my husband could get on my nerves sometimes, so what to say of my literally overly attached-to-me baby? Ok, she is just a (high need) baby, I get it. But then if this 'no time alone' pattern continues throughout her childhood, I'm certainly screwed. Looking forward to her teen years. And yup, she does love being out and about (picture above), even it means to be overly tired afterwards and screaming her heart out to make it a point.